A Kid Said, "N*gga suck mah dick" to Me. Here's How I Responded

He said other things too...but I only have so much room in the title.

Teenage anthem for some of the kids I teach.

*This is a repost of an article I wrote in 2023 when I had around 100 subscribers. In February of 2025 I wrote an article called, “A Student Called Me a “Dicker Rider,” Here’s What I Said,” which brought in damn near 400 new subscribers to FitToTeach - thanks for that by the way. This 2023 post you are about to read is the natural pre-curser to the the article that brought many of you here. So while I enjoy spring break and little bit of downtime from the kids and this computer, I figure many of you will find this story interesting. Enjoy!

**And to the old heads who have followed me from the beginning and have already read this, just know I did some editing and slapped a new coat paint on it. I appreciate you and I don’t plan on reposting old articles too often.

***Update added May 2nd, 2025: David (the student featured in the article) came back to visit the school on Monday. Due to the amount of views and comments this article has received, I felt it prudent to update you on this student’s progress. You can find the update at the bottom of the article labeled Aftermath Part II.

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So I have an asshole of a student. For now, let's call him David.

David is the quintessential class destroyer. Teacher’s breathe a sigh of relief when he’s absent, and white knuckle the forty five minutes of the day that they have him in their classroom. David’s typical entrance into my gymnasium room sounds something like this, “Word to my motha, fuck all ya’ll lame as n*gga’s. Ya’ll can all suck my dick. Word to.” He’ll spit those words out faster than a machine gun. By the time you actually comprehend the fast staccato insults he’s slinging for no particular reason, he’s usually started mouthing off on a specific kid. Each sentence starts with “word to my motha” and ends with “word to.”

I should mention that I’ve been teaching David for three years. I’ve attempted to build connections with him through conversation and playing 1v1 basketball games. I’ve tried to build trust by giving him leadership responsibilities on teams in P.E.. I’ve tried to have serious one on one talks with him. Some of those talks have borne fruit.

Most have not.

I even let him participate in the weightlifting program which is my place of peace. I let him enter that sacred gym ground in an effort to build connections and see if he was coachable. I believe I had to kick him out after he told one of my freshmen he was a, “weak-ass little bitch.”

We’ll call that not yet coachable.

The main problem is his relationship to his peers. He lashes out at everyone and brings them down the moment he thinks someone is getting more attention than him. He is needy and narcissistic. He reminds me of a small dog always yipping for attention. Unfortunately this yipping is usually towards his peers. While I’m fairly used to the abuse he throws my way, (despite numerous consequences), when he hurts my other students, that's where I draw the line.

A couple of weeks ago I made a conscious decision to declare war on this kid. I rarely do this. War means a whole lot of paperwork. It also means I’ve accepted defeat. It means that my efforts to build connections and support this student have utterly failed and my only option left is a true classroom removal.

When I declare war the process looks like this. First, I text the dean and give him a heads up that I’m going to start performing the necessary paperwork against David so the dean can provide evidence and reasoning for a classroom removal/suspension. The dean sends a thumbs up with, “get after it.” He knows the deal when it comes to David. Then I wait for David to do what David always does. Act out.

The initial class David starts his bullshit in my fifth period class where I’m trying to film my kids performing a discussion based protocol that I plan on sharing in professional development. David immediately starts yelling, “Gang Gang Gang!” Who knows why? Possibly because we’ve bumped heads before about his behavior and possibly because he is the direct spawn of satan. In any case, it's ruining the video I’m trying to make and I make it abundantly clear that if he continues his behavior he will be removed from my class and written up. He continues his behavior. I respond in kind.

The second class he decides to destroy is the very next day. He breaks into one of my closets and takes a frisbee. I ask him to put it away. He ignores me and continues to throw it to one of his friends. I ask again, and he throws it one last time before letting it clatter to the floor. He doesn’t put it away. Then he puts on a pair of boxing gloves (where in god's name did he find a pair of boxing gloves!?!) and begins to square up with his friend. I ask him to take off the boxing gloves and he ignores me. I ask three more times before he finally puts them away. The only reason I don’t call security is because he didn’t actually throw a punch. Finally while I’m giving directions for badminton he’s found a basketball and he’s bouncing it while I’m speaking. That punches his ticket for his second classroom removal that week.

The third classroom removal is textbook David. The moment he enters my gymnasium he starts shooting off at the mouth. Suck my dick this, suck my dick that. I sigh a very deep sigh. I tell him to stop cursing or else I’ll have to have him removed from the classroom. Again. He proceeds with a very standard, “N*gga suck my dick, I don’t give a fuck what you say I’ll beat you up act like I care bitch.” Well then. Word to. I’m immediately on the phone chatting up school security - it's fifth period, they were expecting my voice.

All three of these incidents are written up in heavy detail, and forwarded to the dean. Each of these incidents includes a phone call home to mom, and text updates because she has asked for them. (Btw, even his own mother admitted her own child was an “asshole” in our conversations.) All of these complaints are then copied and written up with the dean’s own take on the situation before being forwarded to the principal.

All said and done, I had to endure David disrupting three classrooms, two hours of paperwork between calls, texts, write ups, and communicating with the dean. I had to endure the kind of stress that makes teachers quit the profession before the administration finally had the ability to meaningfully step in. This is the bureaucratic nightmare process every teacher has to go through before the administration can actually protect a classroom from a nightmare.

I’m finally ready to let the sword fall. All it takes is one more incident in the classroom before I write up a fourth scenario in which David disrupts the class and the dean can follow through with a suspension. This kid has been a pain all year. The very tiny amount of pleasant times I have experienced with this child are so heavily out weighed by his constant stream of gray-hair-causing-behavior.

And yet…I still want to try one more time to change his behavior. Call me an idiot, (it’s for sure true), but I felt as though I had enough leverage to have a meaningful conversation with this kid that might actually make a difference. Giving this kid anymore leeway is kinda like convincing yourself the poorly trained rescue dog you bought isn’t going to poop on the floor for the hundredth time.

But whatever, let’s roll, I’m a sucker for ugly pups and at the end of the day he’s an 18 year old kid…no matter how hard he screams, “I’m a grown ass man!” at the top of his lungs. Another one last chance. Here we go.

I call the dean and I tell him I want to have a 1 on 1 conversation with David, just me and David with the dean present to add gravity to the situation. This is my final hail mary, and it’s something I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at.

My Four Step Conversation Process for Asshole Kids

Step 1: Establish the facts

Step 2: Ask my favorite question

Step 3: Ask what their goals are

Step 4: Establish your standards…again

Here’s how this played out with David.

The dean escorts David out of his 8th period class and brings him to my office. I pull up a rolly chair and ask him to have a seat. The dean sits in my comfy rocking chair I have for tough days, and I sit at my desk. David looks sullen, and doesn’t make eye contact with me. The dean starts off by saying to David that “the P.E. teacher is in a position to remove you from his classroom, however, instead of deciding to do so, he has requested to have a conversation with you instead.” This is a process me and the dean have worked out over the years. He puts the student in a position of debt to me so the student feels they have to listen to what I have to say.

I always start by seeing if the student agrees with the way I view the facts. I tell David that I’m going to read off the three incidents that landed him in my office. I read word for word the anecdotes I’ve written over the last three classes and repeat some of the disrespectful lines he has said to me and some of his classmates word for word. I repeat to him the actions that I observed and I inform him that his mom is also aware of all of this. Then I ask him quite bluntly, “Am I being fair with how I view this? Did I misrepresent anything? Do you disagree with any of this?”

I expected David to protest, or at least attempt to twist the facts, but to my surprise he simply looks at the floor and nods. The presence of the dean and me reading off my computer screen anecdotes probably adds some pressure not to dispute the facts. But whatever the reason, David is admitting to his own behavior.

I say in a somewhat surprised voice, “So we agree? This is the way you acted?” He nods. He has opened the door for me to ask him my favorite teacher to student questions of all time. “Alright David, so if this is your behavior and we both agree that it is, I’ve got a question for you. If you were the teacher, and I was the student, and I had performed all those behaviors in your class and said all those words to you, what would you do? How would you respond?” David’s eyes widen, he lets out a sharp laugh, and looks down at the floor.

I’ve got him. He has just empathized with me. We’ve established a connection. No doubt this kid who’s been in roughly a hundred street fights and 100 more in school has just had the thought that if someone had cursed him out as badly as he did to me he would have gone in fist flying without a second thought. The job be damned. And he has slowly recognized that I chose not to perform any of those actions myself. Even though I definitely wanted to.

Now that I have this empathy, I’m going to use it to have a real conversation with him. “David, when you go to this school, what is your goal?” I’m genuinely curious when I ask this. This is a student who is failing all of his classes. Every. Single. One. He’s also 18 years old. He comes from a helluva tough environment. Many kids who come from his kind of background simply stop showing up to school. He is an excellent example of a student who the public education system has failed (myself included). The point being, I’m surprised that David even chooses to show up to school when most kids in his position simply stop showing up.

“I want to graduate…” He shrugs his shoulders and says this as if it were an obvious fact. Personally, I’m shocked he says this. Besides the fact that he’s in school, all his behavior seems to go in direct opposition to this goal. But hey, I’m not opposed to an easy pitch. I wind up and knock it out of the park. “Then David! You realize you have to pass my class in order to graduate right?”....”Yeah…” eyes looking down. “You realize if you behave in a way that forces me to kick you out you won’t pass my class right?”....”Yeah”… “Are you in control of your behavior?”....”Yeah”...”Then dude! Help me help you.”

This is where the dean steps in. He has been listening to this conversation and moderating gently when he thinks he needs to step in. But for the most part he’s been silent. Now he speaks up, “So David. What do you need to do in order to not get kicked out of P.E.?” David says, “I know, I know.” The dean goes, “Nope, you need to say it out loud so our P.E. Teacher knows you understand.” David finally talks about the behavior that can’t be tolerated. The dean ends the conversation by reminding David that instead of classroom removal, his teacher decided he wanted to have a conversation before forcing a punishment. He reminds him if this conversation is ignored, then a classroom removal, and failure of the class, is imminent. I shake hands with David, and the dean takes him back to class.

Aftermath

Now, do I believe that this conversation has solved every problem I’m going to have with this student? Not a chance. However, there’s something to be said when you get a student to admit in his own words that he has been an asshole. It’s also something when you get them to admit that their own actions are impeding their own goals from happening. I know David is going to have a bad day in the future, and I know there’s not a whole lot that I’ll be able to do to stop it except the usual security call.

But best believe that when that moment comes I’ll be ready to remind him of the conversation we had. I’ll be ready to remind him of his own stated goal and his own stated words against his own behavior. And when it doesn’t work at least I’ll have the peace of mind to know I gave it a goddamn try.

As of now it’s been a week….and he hasn’t disrupted the class at all.

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Aftermath Part II

*Update added May 2nd, 2025

I originally wrote this article back in May 2023. It was originally entitled, A Restorative Conversation With THAT KID. The article received very little attention.

This year during spring break I decided I would take a break from writing. Rather than miss a Wednesday post I decided my 400 new subscribers would enjoy a article from the past. I slapped a new title on the post, enjoyed vacation with an old friend in California, and I didn’t think much of it till I booted up my computer.

The article had generated 200 new subscribers, 13k views, and a battle raging in the comments section about whether or not a teacher should bother spending this kind of time and energy on a student who seems intent on fucking up his classes.

Aftermath Part II is in response to the comment section. Perhaps it will add some much needed context about what happened to this student post this conversation.

The following event you are about to read occurred Monday, April 30th.

The bell rung and my standard sigh of relief came as students left the building. Unfortunately it wasn’t as if the work was done, I scooped up my laptop and got a move on to the third floor for professional development. It’s usually a waste of an hour where the administration discusses different ways to improve reading protocols and I day dream.

It’s a cross P.E. teachers have to bear.

When I got to the third floor I dragged myself towards the classroom where we had scheduled the meeting. To my surprise a student who I had never expected to see again was hanging outside the door chatting with a couple of the teachers.

It was David.

I didn’t have much love for the kid, but I approached him like I would any graduate of my school. I smiled and offered him my hand for a dap. He smiled and dapped it up. He asked,

“How you doin Schuerch?”

“Not bad, how about yourself? What are you up to these days David?”

He laughed, “I’m in college, finishing up first semester.”

College…I thought to myself. What the fuck… “No shit! What are you majoring in? Do you like it?”

He smiled again, “Accounting, you know me, I’m all about the money.”

I laughed, “That does check out.” The kid was known for flashing rolls of 20 dollar bills his senior year in school. You never want to assume…but we all assumed it was from drug dealing. I went on to say, “Good luck with everything, I’m glad to hear you’re doing alright.

I went into the classroom, sat down with the rest of the teachers, and turned that encounter over in my head. What were the odds that that kid actually went and passed his first semester at college…fucking wild.

Then my principal got up to the front of the class and said, “I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news. The good news is right outside our door. David’s about to finish his first semester in college. I know many of you had your struggles with him, and many of you had serious frustrations working with him, but education is one of those professions where the fruits of your work show up long after you’ve put the effort in. I doubt many of us thought he would go to college, and yet there he is. I hope you take pride in that.

The bad news is about two of our current students. [Alfred] was taken to the ICU yesterday for a stab wound to the head. We won’t be seeing him for some time. Please do not contact the family until we have further information.

Also, [Jason] has been arrested on serious charges and won’t be able to finish out the school year. Again please don’t reach out until we have more information. In the meantime the administration will be in contact with both families, and we will give you an update on when to start sending the kids work and reestablish connections with them.”

We all gave a sober nod at the news. It wasn’t shocking. We were all used to it…but we still didn’t like hearing it.

If it sounds unlikely that David just happened to show up two weeks after I reposted an article about him that went viral…all I can tell you is I’m just as surprised as you are. Some of the woo-woo spiritual girls I’ve dated would say I “manifested” it into being.

Putting that all aside, I’d like to formally address the argument raging in the comment section. There’s one side (the vast majority) that are proud of me for putting in the effort. There’s another side that believes this was a tail of sunk costs. That the amount of effort I put into this one student came at the expense of all my other students.

I’m empathetic to both sides.

There’s a saying I like to tell hardcore rookie teachers who judge older veteran teachers for not putting in the extra mile, “Keep high standards for yourself, be understanding of everyone else.” I had to tell this repeatedly to a new teacher who got frustrated with his co-teacher because he wouldn’t stay after school to co-plan with him.

I think the saying applies to this situation.

I don’t really give up on kids. Not because I’ve got some savior mentality or because I think all kids deserve the extra effort. I don’t give up because I have a love affair with the craft of teaching. I have a fascination with finding different ways to communicate with teenagers. How do I convince a kid to participate when he just told me to “suck my dick”? How do I create a safe classroom environment after two kids attempted to bash each other’s skulls in?

I’m not saying I’m always successful, I’m saying I enjoy trying. Creating the perfect classroom is an impossible-to-solve psychological puzzle. It’s a war of effort, enthusiasm, sales, manipulation, joy and rage. I believe it will interest me for the rest of my life.

But there’s no way I expect other teachers to have that mentality. That’s ludicrous. Teacher’s should have relatively calm classrooms. They should have the power to kick students like David out of their lives - without all the bureaucratic nonsense necessary to make that happen. Teacher’s should live in a world where if a kid tells them to “suck my dick,” then the teacher has the option to remove that student from their class permanently. A kid like David shouldn’t be able to do what he did and still graduate.

And yet he did graduate.

And now he’s completing accounting classes.

And I’m not saying that his life will be perfect from here.

But I am saying if I kicked him out of my class permanently, and if I didn’t give him another chance, then he wouldn’t have graduated and he wouldn’t be in his first semester completing accounting classes.

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