When Do I Get To Give Up On a Kid?

Admin would say never...

So I have a student we’ll call Jenny who sleeps in the corner of my gymnasium every single day. In the beginning I would ask her to participate. I tried gently encouraging her with phrases like, “just try it, you don’t have to like the game, just try.” Sometimes I would bargain, “You know what, just try the drill, you don’t even have to play in the game, you can ref.” I eventually tried threats, “If you don’t participate you won’t earn any points toward your grade,” and “If you don’t get up I’m going to have to call your mother.”

It was all moot. No matter what tactic I tried, Jenny would always respond with a smile and a nod, then she would proceed to put her head back on her arms and go to sleep. It’s quite strange threatening to fail a kid and having them smile. Calling home didn’t make a difference, and while I’d hoped that she would change her behavior after receiving a failing grade, I was disappointed.

After trying these tactics for months, out of sheer curiosity I asked her if she intended to graduate high school. I didn’t ask in a dickish teacher way; there was no contempt in my voice. I genuinely wanted to know what her game plan was. Jenny gave her trademark head in the clouds smile, shrugged and said, “Yeah I want to graduate.”

I said, “But you know you have to pass this class in order to graduate right?”

Again with the smile and the slight shrug of her shoulders. I decided it was time to hit her with some real talk.

“Well, if you want to graduate, let me ask you this. Do you want me to continue to try?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the reason I bug you in the corner - why I always threaten your grade, and call home, and constantly wake you up is actually because I want you to succeed. I want you to graduate. Because you can’t graduate if you don’t pass this class and I won’t just give you a grade, you have to do something to earn it.”

She smiled, but she looked confused, as if this was the first time someone framing my annoying attempts to wake her up from slumber where actually attempts to get her to pass.

I said, “Listen, you don’t necessarily have to graduate. That doesn't have to be your goal. Do I think you’re delaying work right now for much harder work later? I do. But I mean it when I say, ‘“the choice is yours”’ over the announcements every day. You get to choose what you want to do. You just have to deal with the consequences of your choices. If you don’t want me to bother you from sleeping I won’t anymore. I’ll let you sit there and nap. You’ll fail of course…but I just want to know if you want me to put anymore time and effort into trying to get you to pass.”

When I told she didn’t have to graduate it was like watching someone's brain malfunction. She smiled and frowned and confusedly said, “wait you’ll let me sleep?”

“If that’s what you want.” I shrugged, “I’ve got 20 other kids in this class that want to play and need my time and attention. If you have no real interest in graduating I’ll leave you alone. I just want to confirm that’s actually what you want.”

She paused and looked thoughtful. Then she said, “No, actually. You should keep trying.”

Was this actual progress!?! “So what if I got you to throw a frisbee with a partner today, and then you helped do the scoreboard. Do you think you could do that for some points towards your grade today?”

She flashed her trademark dazed in the clouds smile again, “well…how about tomorrow?”

I sighed. I had already spent 5 minutes at the beginning of class and I needed to get my class started.

I let her wander to her corner again.

The battle continues.

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