So there we were, standing in a circle with all our hands in the middle. Everyone in the after school strength and conditioning program had worked hard that day. Sweat was dripping, and breaths were coming hard and fast.
I asked everyone to close their eyes.
Then I said, “I’m going to ask two questions, and I want you to answer these questions in your own head. I don’t want anyone to voice it out loud, just keep it to yourself. First question - did I make myself better today?”
I saw a bunch of kids nod their heads with their eyes closed but no one said anything out loud. Good.
“Second question - did I make someone else better today?”
One or two kids who did a slow nod, and a couple of kids mouthed an ‘ooooohhhh’ as in, “ooooooohhhh I could have helped out a bit more….”
I told them to open their eyes. Some were still breathing heavy. Then I said, “Hopefully we said yes to at least one of the questions. If we were able to truthfully say yes to at least one then we’re making progress. But if we can say yes to both of those questions on a consistent basis, then we’re going to make eachother great.”
Then I turned to a student I have nicknamed Dr. Dre and said, “Alright Dr. Dre, you’ve shown us some consistency over the past two weeks. You get some respect for that. What are the words?”
She gave me and everyone in the circle a shrug and then said, “I don’t know…what about…Eat Food?”
“You got it. Alright everybody, eat food on three - one, two, three, EAT FOOD!”
The hands rose up and practice ended.
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Highlights
The first, and most important aspect of this, is making them close their eyes and answer the question in their heads. If their eyes are open and they just yell the word “yes!” in response to the first question of, “did I make myself better?” then you might feel good as a coach, but the kids themselves will turn this into a game of status.
They’ll want their coach and their peers to know they got better, some of them will say it even if it isn’t true. Demanding they close their eyes and answer it for themselves turns the end of practice into a reflective moment - a moment where they can be honest with themselves.
Here’s the key with the second question. You need to prep the kids with the knowledge that you’re going to ask this question at the beginning of training. Remind them that you’re going to ask whether or not they made somebody else better.
When I remember to do this at the beginning of weightlifting session there is an energy that swirls around the gym. Upperclassmen are suddenly giving lower classmen cues for their lifts. Freshmen are yelling out encouragement to their peers when they go for a big lift. Spotters are more attentive.
It creates place where students want to be able to honestly say to themselves without anybody knowing, “I made somebody better today.” As any coach knows, there’s a certain thrill you get when you help others that you just don’t experience when you only help yourself.
The final piece of the end practice ritual is this…”what are the words?”
This is an opportunity for a coach to acknowledge someone who’s been quietly doing the work, or who did something in particular you want to encourage. An obvious choice might be someone who Pr’d their lift today, but if you can highlight someone who helped someone else out even better.
In Dr. Dre’s case, I simply wanted to point out one of the best traits for a new weightlifter to build - consistency.
Reinforce the culture you want to build on your team. And then whatever goofy words come out of that kids mouth, those are the words you say as a team.
Rinse, lather, repeat, every practice. Build a juggernaut of supportive teammates and an atmosphere where everyone gets better.
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What to say at the end of practice, is inspiring, encouraging words. They can come from many angles.
YES, you are building a team, and that is how you do it. It's not all on you, coach. Challenge team top performers to build up their teammates. And reward both them, including the ones they helped, with public recognition.