There he was, old Saint Nick
Sleeves cut off, arms outrageously thick
As he headed towards the squat rack to get a lift
I gathered my courage to ask for a gift
Oh Santa, I have one simple wish
I want to be big and strong, I’ve got the itch!
I do biceps and triceps all day long
But I’m still skinny, what am I doing wrong?
His eyes twinkled, and a smile tugged at his lips
He snatched a 45 pound plate, and he said with a quip
Kid, I like ya. There’s no doubt you’ve got heart
But just flexing your arms ain’t worth a fart
Now this right here’s a squat rack
It’ll give your legs a whack
Bend your legs deep and have a steak
and you’ll get plenty jacked
Give it some time, it won’t happen overnight
Some days it’ll be easy, some days it’ll be a fight
But if you keep at it and you never quit
You’ll wake up one day and realize it’s all worth it
Then he gave a great big laugh, and got underneath the bar
With all the plates, it looked like the weight of a car
He squatted down and got real deep
He hit a set of five - it was quite the feat
For the next ten years I battled the iron
Hungry for gains I ate steak like a lion
When I hit the bed, I slept like a baby
A couple years in, I noticed a staring lady
It had finally happened, I received my Christmas wish
I didn’t have much money but boy did I feel rich
With legs like tree trunks, and a back like a wall
Anywhere I go I’m the envy of all
So now when I see young men
Doing arms and ignoring the rack
I pass on Saint Nick’s advice
Teach em to squat and get em jacked
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everybody!
God damn it, this was awesome
Merry Christmas!