Graduation Speech 2024

Guess What? You don't always get to be happy.

So. The Youtube video above is the video recording of me giving the 2024 graduation speech at the high school I work at, UASGC. It was all recorded through a phone, so the audio isn’t brilliant, but it is passable. Turning on the subtitles is certainly recommended.

Below is the written version of the speech. Both are, in my completely biased and not so humble opinion, excellent. I really enjoyed having the opportunity to spit some life advice to a group of kids I have come to know and love. I have also enjoyed comparing where I had to go off script to handle the crowd and seeing what slight alterations I made on the fly. I hope you enjoy at least one of the versions, though if you go real crazy on me and listen to the audio and read the script then cheers to you, you goddamn champion of my heart.

Graduation Speech

Good Afternoon class of 2024, Congratulations! You will officially move on to the land….of windows! Also. To pin a feather in your cap. You are my last official group of covid babies! The first time I met you, you were all just names on a screen. None of you turned your cameras on. Omari and Zeryda were the only ones who actually showed up to class to participate. Nathan’s name was on the screen but I’m pretty sure he was playing video games the whole time, and whenever Johnathan Aljeradis name appeared I would ask a question and there would be no response. At least he had his name on the screen, I have no idea where the rest of you guys were. Credit to Eli though, I knew he watched the youtube videos because he would recite the skits. You mah boi Eli!

So! I have no idea why they’re allowing your P.E. teacher to do this, I’m sure right before this moment you had no idea I even owned a suit, but be that as it may, I’m the guy they’ve tapped to give 5 minutes of life advice before you grab that diploma and enjoy some sunshine on your face. So let’s get to work.

Ladies and Gentleman, you have all officially entered my last class of the year, and the topic is happiness - this supposed ultimate goal we’re all supposed to chase. We all want to be happy, right? So let’s test this. We’re all going to do a quick activity together that involves making a choice and raising your hands. Friends and family I hope you allllll participate. 

Here’s the game. I am going to describe two people. Once you hear both descriptions, I want you to raise your hand for the person you believe is OVERALL, happier.

Thumbs up if you get me.

Okay. Here’s the description of person one.

Person 1: This person has a rich uncle who just gave them 5 million dollars.

Person 2: This person has just achieved 5 million dollars in profits from a business they built from the ground up.

OVERALL, Raise your hand if you believe person 1 is happier.

Raise your hand if you believe person 2 is happier.

Isn’t it fascinating? In that instance the outcome is exactly the same, and yet we inherently know the happier person is the person who struggled more to get there. Making your own money is way harder than someone giving you the money, but over the long run it's a way better feeling too.

We know this. But we run from this truth we inherently understand.

Think about it. Who hasn’t dreamt of having a pile of money? Who doesn’t want a job full of meaning and joy? We dream of the perfect relationship, one where you’re both physically attracted to each other and have goals that align. And yet, we run from the work required to find these things.

Turns out, getting a pile of money may mean 10 years of 12 hour work days in a cubicle staring at a screen in the basement of some financial institution, or spending everything you have on a business idea that you have no idea will be successful. The perfect relationship is actually the product of tough conversations, awkward silences, hurt feelings, and drawing boundaries that may initially hurt your partner. And maintaining your physical attractiveness usually stems from hours of physical pain in the gym, and eating the bland tasteless protein you don’t want to eat, week after week, month after month, year after year. 

As you are about to graduate high school I urge you to consider the most important question of your 20s, and possibly your life. And it’s not “what do I want to do with my life?” but rather, “what pain am I willing to accept?”

Frankeli, when you open that nail and cosmetic salon, are you willing to deal with annoying customers? Working with shipments of products that don’t always come in on time? Doing the math for business accounting? Employees that don’t care about your business as much as you do? Applying nails will be a tiny fraction of the job.

Omari, when you go into computer science, are you willing to deal with looking at a screen all day till your eyes hurt and trying to solve code? Are you willing to accept the days where your neck is aching from hunching over a keyboard, and the software is malfunctioning despite your best efforts? Do you really want to work with computer screens and minimal social interaction? 

When I became a teacher I dreamed of the incredible relationships I hoped to create with my students. I dreamed of how I would change their perspective on health and have them workout. I didn’t consider the rage I would feel when a kid would come into my classroom, talk over anything I said, and destroy my equipment…word to mah motha. 

If this all sounds daunting it's because it is. Life is daunting, and the pain is inevitable. You don’t get to be happy all the time no matter what, even if you find the dream job. You will always have complaints, you will always have tasks you won’t want to do, you will always want more the moment you accomplish the goal you chase.

However, this doesn’t mean we're all doomed to misery. There’s a way out, and it has to do with your perspective on pain. All of you have experienced the workouts I make you do in P.E. Almost every single day, I hear some variation of, “Schuerch, my legs are burning!” “Schuerch! This is too much work!” Schuerch! I can’t breathe!” and what do I always say? “Good.”

I say “good,” because it is good. You’re experiencing something challenging, and that challenge is forcing your body to grow. I always want you to associate challenges with the positive knowledge that this pain is where we become better. Frankeli, when you experience that annoying customer that hates the nails you gave them, I hope you can sit back and know that this is just part of the price for creating amazing cosmetics for all the customers you actually like. Omari, when you’re ready to throw a computer through a wall because it just won’t work, I hope you learn how to take a deep breath, and let your curiosity realize that this problem is actually going to serve as a lesson for the next time you encounter that same problem.

 Everybody knows how to enjoy success, but not everybody knows how to enjoy pain.

You will never escape experiencing anxiety, frustration, and possible rage at problems like relationships, financial problems, and finding meaning in life. It’s the KID, who runs away from these problems. They hide behind their phone screen, and endliessly scroll, never attempting solve what’s actually stopping them. It’s the ADULT, who understands these painful emotions are merely opportunities to improve. These are the people who get to work.

And guess what happens when you start viewing all your problems as opportunities? Guess what happens when you get to work attacking these problems? 

You become happy. 

Remember, you inherently know this. It’s a by-product of the work.

So with that said class of 2024, I hope you choose to tackle the problems life presents to you. I hope every time you fall you choose to stand up one more time. I hope you choose to learn how to enjoy challenges to come.

Because after all…

The Choice……Is Yours.

Schuerch, out.

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