A Teacher's Parting Words for Summer
I hope they take it to heart.
“Mista, my knee hurts.”
“Nah mista, I can’t do this, my stomach ain’t right.”
“Sir. It’s my cycle. I’m not doing the workout.”
Welcome to the sounds of my Mondays and Tuesdays. It is a cacophony of excuses students start vomiting as soon as they hear we are going to the weight room. And we go to the weight room every Monday and Tuesday. It’s as if they pray this time—this time—Mr. Schuerch will finally forget that this is the day he schedules the entire school to workout.
I live to disappoint them.
I usually have a pretty tight rein on my emotions when I hear the slew of excuses. They used to piss me off, but now I take it as standard operating procedure. Kids complain when we workout. In a dead, cold voice, I remind them of the proper paperwork they need for an acceptable excuse. Doctor’s note. Email from parents. True, visible pain that makes me think, oh, you actually can’t workout today. It’s almost like reciting the Miranda rights, I just do it automatically.
Unfortunately, this particular Tuesday I didn’t have my usual veteran teacher control. It seemed like over half the class was attempting to get out of the workout - probably because it was the last week of school. The kids were tired of me, and I was tired of the kids. I snapped.
“That’s it! You guys know the rules. If you’re not working out, sit on those benches over there and take the zero! I don’t want to hear one more excuse. Your knee hurts and you don’t have a doctor’s note? Then I don’t care. Either deal with it or sit on the bench. The choice is yours. Now make a choice.”
Sometimes speaking in anger only makes the kids laugh at you. Other times it works in your favor, and the kids shut the hell up and get to work. Luckily, it was the latter this time. We went through the warm-up and students did a 4-round workout that included 6 calories on an airbike, 12 weighted goblet squats, and a 20-second side plank on each side of their body. It took most kids around 10 minutes to complete, and by the end they were good and sweaty.
I have found over the years that the best time to talk to a class is right after a bout of exercise. The kids are out of breath, unwilling to speak, and the endorphins are flowing. For whatever reason, that combination plus the indefinable quality that I’ll simply call “post-workout magic” leads to a special 2 minute window where kids truly listen. So whenever I have something important to say I sit them down on the wood benches outside of the weight room right after the workout timer stops.
I wanted to address my frustration with them at the beginning of class.
“Alright everybody, I have something to say that I think you’re going to like. Today was the last workout you’ll have to do with me this school year.”
Students' eyes lit up and a bunch of them started to clap. I smiled and continued, “Now you guys know two versions of me. There’s the annoying teacher side of me. He’s the guy who says if you don’t do the workout you take a zero for the day. He’s the guy who constantly threatens you with the grade book. I understand he’s annoying. He’s not going away, but I understand he’s annoying.”
One kid mutters, “he really is tho…” Some of the kids chuckled. I continued,
“However, there’s another side of me that makes you do this for a completely different reason. Take away the grade book. Take away the idea that you have to do this in order to graduate, take all the nonsense of school away. I’m a guy who makes you do this because I truly believe this is good for you. Think about it. For those of you who chose to work out, you just improved your cardiovascular system, you strengthened your muscles, you gave yourself a blast of endorphins. You literally just made yourself happier.”
“Bullshit.” One kid who didn’t work out said underneath a fake cough.
I smiled, “Ah well, we all know how hard Mike goes on these workouts.” The class had a chuckle, and so did Mike.
“In any case, I’m telling you this because summer is just around the corner, and I’m not going to be there forcing you to move.” A bunch of kids rubbed their hands together. I kept going, “And that’s awesome. For two months you’re going to get to make decisions for yourself, adults won’t be there to tell you what to do. But let me tell you right now, if you choose to just, ‘chill out,’ and you spend 12 hours on your phone every day, I guarantee, summer is going to suck. Sure, you might get a laugh or two from TikTok, but it’s going to suck.”
All the tiny external talk that happens to some degree when a teacher talks ground to a halt. Had I tried this little speech at the beginning or end of class, it probably wouldn’t have worked, but the post workout window was working its magic. The kids truly heard that line. Everyone in the room had fallen victim to doom scrolling at some point in the past (probably yesterday), and deep, deep down everyone knew it was garbage for the soul.
“I’ll leave you with this. For summer, get out of the house. Hang out with some friends. Get some sunlight. And even though I know some of you hate it, get some exercise. Two or three times a week. It doesn’t have to be weights, but do something challenging. It’ll give you energy, and there’s no better time to have energy than in the middle of summer.”
I got that sweet sweet teacher moment when the vast majority of the kids gave me a slow, quiet nod. On the rare occasion when it happens, you know the kids took your words to heart.
Then I said, “Alright, let’s go play some badminton!”
“Finally!” one student said, and the class got up to play.
*4 years ago, I read Kevin Kelly’s article, “1000 True Fans.” The gist of it goes like this. Create a following of people who become fans of what you do. Be so damn good at what you do that people want to give you money so you continue doing it.
Here’s what I do. I teach, and I write stories about it.
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Every successful teacher should have a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde strategy. When I feel my class shifting, I ask them which teacher they want to see, and that usually settles them down. It’s not that they fear my Mr Hyde, but, instead, they genuinely enjoy Dr Jekyll more because that’s when class is more engaging and interesting. We all have more fun, and they hate losing that. They’ll do what’s good for them. But aspiring teachers, take note: this only works if your default position is one of understanding, patience, and a quiet, gentle firmness. It doesn’t work if you default to yelling or threatening to call parents, send to office, etc. Kids adapt quickly to harshness as a consequence of sometimes brutal home lives, and will tune your tough-guy persona out fast. Your yelling then becomes pleading and that’s when you’re done. They also know immediately if you respect and like kids and will generally, but not always (they’re still kids after all), give back what they receive. So if you can’t do that, please find another line of work. It will save everyone a great deal of misery.
Have a great summer!